im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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