Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You're earring is so big in my mouth
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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