i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
My vagina just clenched in fear
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
