just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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