Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You are a genius and a whore.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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