You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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