8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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