my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize