Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
