He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
