Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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