It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
