My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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