I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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