Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
