Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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