..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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