Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
