I wanna passion pit in your ass
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
