Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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