someone get that fucking seahorse.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize