Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
