I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
