On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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