I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
