So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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