Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
