Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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