Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
