look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
