They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
