What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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