This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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