Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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