A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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