No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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