It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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