I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
