When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
