I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
