took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
