if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
