I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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