Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
