just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
