Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We had to coat check the pizza.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
