So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I can't turn off my feet"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
