I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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