You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
