I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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