i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
