i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
