dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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