Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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