someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Randomize
