So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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