Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
