Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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