Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
