I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
