Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
