I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
