She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
